The last few months have been an amazing experience for me, and I’ve been able to grow tremendously since then. I have a new found passion as well as purpose, and so I’m changing my blog to represent the change I’ve made!

It’s interesting how thinks have turned out since I started this blog. I’m months past my original deadline, and the “dream” that I have is different, but I’m finally living it. It’s fantastic.

Find me at my new blog now! http://raimanau.com

Woah! But isn’t that obvious? Is what you might have been thinking, but up until yesterday, it wasn’t obvious to me. Seems like I failed to notice that I was in a fire with the smoke blinding my eyes!

But let me tell you what I’ve realized about the time I’ve been here in Japan. I thought I had simply come to this country all ready to go, but wow was I wrong.

Getting Used to it All

Looking back, it took me about three months or so to actually adapt to Japan. It’s not like anything was completely new to me, but getting used it was a completely different manner. Just because I’ve had Japanese food doesn’t mean that I was used to having it every time we happened to go out. I never realized how little vegetables are served in restaurants unless you order them separately.

And even when Mami and I decided to start buying things and cooking, it took some time to get used to the sticker shock of the grocery prices as well. We’ve grown somewhat accustomed to the pricing now, but also partly because we’ve familiarized ourselves with the area and now know where to find the cheapest meat and produce. And for that manner, we only found the best place (or so I think) after about 5 months of living here. We were definitely happy when we did, though.

But food is only a part of adapting to Japan. It’s taken me plenty to time to really get comfortable using the language, and even more time to really settle myself into the culture. For example, in the US, especially in the San Francisco bay area, everyone cherishes individuality. We practically expect everyone to have their own quirks, and it’s just a matter of whether we get along with the other person or not.

Here, the mentality is to stick to the norm. Times are changing, but deeply ingrained cultural values don’t just go away. If you don’t follow the norm, you get the critical eye. Whether you come out ahead or behind in others’ eyes largely depends on you, but either way, I’ve found that being constantly judged is a constact source of invisible stress.

Being Japanese, Being American

Go back three years, when I first lived in Japan. I was in Narita city, which is by all means the countryside, and I was working there for three months at a summer job. At the time, I had decided to be Japanese and learn to do things the Japanese way. So I made that clear to my new boss and coworkers and stepped up to the plate… only to fall flat on my face.

Because no matter how hard I tried, the best I could do was become a 2nd rate Japanese person. And it makes sense, because I’m NOT Japanese. If I was Japanese, I would have known that the new worker automatically cleans the bathroom in their free time. I also would have known all the special language needed to “correctly” speak to customers. And OF COURSE, I would have known to do these things without being told, because, the Japanese boss won’t tell you to do these things, either.

That’s where things began to get stressful, because I and my coworkers weren’t thinking on the same level. So even though I wanted to really contribute to the business, and my coworkers wanted to best work together to make that happen – it didn’t. We had a huge wall in communication because of a difference in culture.

So fast forward three years and now I’ve moved to Japan, determined not to make the same mistake. Rather than trying to become Japanese, I make a stand to be who I really am – American born Hong Kong-ese with Japanese and Mainland Chinese cultural background mixed in as well. Instead of blending into the environment, I create a new environment within it, and I invite others into my domain. I shake hands, introduce myself by my nickname, and asked people by what name they would liked to be called. (In Japan, you always start a relationship with Mr./Mrs. Last Name.)

And people love it. I’ve made quite a name for myself as a popular and likable guy among the people I’ve met. They like what I have to offer to their lives, and accept it… but not without judging me against the norm first. And it’s not so easy to get used to. Though fortunately, I think I can say I’ve come to terms with it. My friend and fellow Berkeley student Sally Kikuchi dropped by over the weekend. We talked and, thanks to her, I finally realized I was even under all this stress. And hey, knowing is half the battle.

Business for Me? Or for You?

Starting a business from scratch isn’t easy, either. Especially when you have to rely 100% on yourself for the product and the sale.

You may know that I’ve been working now as a style consultant as well as selling order made suits. It’s not as if I have a store, so I need to go out, meet people, and somehow convince people to buy my products and services. Easier said than done.

As I said earlier, I’ve been making spectacular first impressions with people and have become quite popular, but for some reason I haven’t been able to generate much interest in my work until now.

If you’ve read into sales technique, you may know that the real key (one of them, at least) in successful sales is to forget about success and money. It’s about doing what you do because you live it, and have a genuine interest in doing something for the customer. I thought I had been embracing that theory, but along with getting adapted to Japan, I’ve really just been presenting myself as a superstar kid from America. The emphasis has been on me, and not on the people I’ve met.

I went to networking parties, talked to a lot of people, got a lot of business cards, and not a lot of business. I realized recently, that I didn’t make a lot of friends, either. Because spending 5-10 minutes talking to someone isn’t enough to really create a connection and a foundation for a relationship. I found it takes at least 20-30 minutes, and 30 minutes is generally a lot better.

When I started taking the time to learn about others, their motivations, and their passions, I began to really meet people. Sometimes people know their dreams, sometimes they don’t and need a suggestion from the outside. It’s fun to learn and find ways to support them.

And once I do that, they naturally do the same for me. It’s a great feeling. Everyone feels important, and I feel like I’m not as alone anymore. On the side, people have begun showing a lot more interest in my styling work as well! Win-win!

Supporting the #1 Person in my Life

So that’s what was going through my mind when I was doing the dishes last night. Originally, I had a networking party event scheduled on the same day, which is why I wasn’t going to Mami’s live. The reason was that I needed to get somewhere with my sales, so that was the best thing for me to do.

But then I stepped back and thought about it again. What’s all this about supporting others when I wasn’t even supporting my most important person?

I realized it at a dinner with some people I had met last night. One person, Shige-chan, said that he was also really interested in hearing my girlfriend sing. At that point, I said that well, she had a performance this weekend, but I wasn’t going. After I said it, it suddenly hit me that I was saying something absolutely ridiculous.

I also realized that by inviting my new friends to Mami’s performance would also give me a chance to build on the relationships I had already built as well!

It’s so different once you really find that path that truly rings with your values!

Estimating the time needed to get projects or tasks done, and roughly planning out a day based on those calculations. My Dad told me to do that I don’t know how many times in the past, lol.

It never really worked for me, so I always looked for other solutions to keep track of tasks and organize them. I realize they were all excuses running away from a bigger problem, but now that I’ve decided to start taking responsibility for my actions, I’m back where I started.

The difference between back then and now is that I understand the importance of having integrity in what I say and write.

There’s a lot of responsibility involved in declaring that I’m going to clean the house from 9am to 10pm and following through with it, even if it’s just to myself. Or rather, especially if it’s myself.

That’s the same for setting concrete goals with deadlines, too.

I’ve been running away from that responsibility for 25 years now. But for me, I realize that’s the real meaning of Getting Things Done.

Starting from tomorrow, the first thing I do after I wake up in the morning will be to take some time to decide on what I’m going to do and plan out the day!

But oh man, when you’ve been staring at your feet for months (or longer) and finally look up and in front of you,  you might find yourself saying (with a smirk) “oh wow, what did I get myself into!”

Anyhow, I recently talked to my friend Jack (more on him later), and he reminded me about the importance of setting concrete goals. Not just for myself, but also so that other people could find ways to support me as well. And I’ve known this, but only now after taking the BT course do I realize I’ve had a long lasting fear of creating goals. I’m going to have to dig into my past to find out where I got that from, but for now I’m glad I have the courage to create them now.

I banned myself from games for now (actually, I feel like my addiction vanished), but just to make things more appealing to myself, I decided to look at my goals as if I was playing a game ;D

Blue Ocean Strategy is the name of a recently formed company that focuses on networking parties. The parties are aimed people looking to enlarge their own networks, find business partners, others who share interests, or even romantic interests. The best part, though, is that there are agents who oversee the event. And those agents take it as their responsbility to look over the people they invited, and introduce to them they people they’re looking to meet. They look to make sure you’re not ever sitting on the sidelines not knowing what to do for the rest of the night.

My friend Kasumi invited me to the event last month, and I thought it was so great that I emailed the organizer and said I wanted to help. And, well, now I’m an agent as well!

The next event is in 3 days, on Tuesday the 22nd. I called the leader, Kinoshita, and he gave me the goal to try and bring 10 people to the event this time. I actually didn’t know about this month’s event until earlier this week, but regardless, I’m up for the challenge of achieving that goal. It will finally be a source of income, as well!

This is exciting!

Oh, and as for how I met Kasumi, Jack, and Kinoshita… Instead of getting into the entire story here, here’s connection map of sorts =P

Ken Honda seminar -> Gakuchan -> Kasumi -> Jack + Kinoshita

Almost everything I’ve done in life, I’ve done it for someone else. Why did I study hard to get into Berkeley? Because my parents said it was good to go to a good University (though I’m thankful I went!). Why did I contact that particular person? Because my friend told me I should (and I’m glad I met those people, too).

Even when I was small, I was a master at ajdusting my personality to fit in better with the people around me. And even now as I try to develop my own personality, much of it is based on supporting others. Not that it’s completely a bad thing. I’ve actually developed it into one of my best strengths!

I’m the first to say “let’s do this!” I’m always filled with enthusiasm and offer great support to others. People love me because of it. Heck, I love myself because of it too!

But the pain sets in once I’m on my own. My ability of self-discipline is horribly lacking. I meet someone great, promise great things, but then let it fall apart when it’s my turn to make the next move on my own. Why? Well, relationships are give and take relationships, and if you don’t have both then the relationship doesn’t work out. I’m an expert at the give, and a failing student at the take.

If the next action for me is “to do it for my own good,” then that action rarely takes place. I suppose it used to be because I didn’t care much for it. But now that I do and I try, I find that my experience of doing things for myself has been so scarce that it’s ridiculously hard to do.

Rather than get to work, I run away and do something like play video games. Just until the next time someone asks for my help. Now that I think about it, it’s to the point that I even skip meals.

Though I should say that there are a couple things in life that I’ve done for myself, and those are my treasures. First is my relationship with Mami, and second is my career choice in the world of fashion. And that’s why those are, perhaps, my greatest treasures =D

But again, relationships are give and take. And careers are things filled with relationships, which make them give and take situations on a grand scale. That’s where it gets tough.

I’m looking to jet start my career, but I find it’s not working because I’m not taking enough. I’ve made it pretty far just giving, but there’s a point where it becomes lopsided and it doesn’t work anymore. I’m stuck. And I’m unhappy, too, because there’s a part of me that needs to be satisfied by doing things for myself. I think that goes for anyone. You can only go so far without giving fuel to your own ego.

So I’ve decided that it’s time to start doing some things for myself: to start saying things that being with “I want.” And I’ll start by writing out a couple of things here:

• I want to take control of my life
• I want to decide my own destiny
• I want to be proud of myself
• I want to sleep early and wake up early
• I want to exercise regularly
• I want to stop being the hare and learn from the tortoise (from the Aesop fable)
• I want to start telling people what I want from them
• I want to stop acting only “depending on the situation”
• I want to keep my apartment clean
• I want to make a great income
• I want to have the freedom to buy what I want, go where I want
• I want to have to stop apologizing for stupid mistakes
• I want to feel happy and fulfilled every day

Let’s do this!

To begin, I didn’t sleep that night. As many of you already know, I have a pretty nocturnal schedule as of now. I often sleep around 4 or 5am, and wake up somewhere around noon, sometimes later. Of course that doesn’t lend itself well to getting things done during business hours, so if I need to get something done earlier, I just make myself wake up.

And that was the case that particular night. But as with all nights before Very Important Days (interviews, speeches, SATs, finals, etc), most of us end up anticipating the next day so much that we have trouble falling asleep.

I’ve actually gotten much better at falling asleep on these kinds of nights, because I’ve learned to trust that everything will be alright, which puts me at ease. But on THIS particular night, even though I trusted that everything would turn out well, I was just too excited about the great things that would come out of it. It was amazing. Positive thought after positive thought came into my mind, and I couldn’t sleep.

But perhaps the best part came when I had to wake up in the morning.

The night before (a.k.a. earlier that morning), I sent out emails to two of my fantastic friends, Katie Post and Sally Roberts. To Sally (who I knew always woke up early), I sent an email asking her to give me a wakeup call at 9am. And to Katie, I asked if she could send me a wakeup email to my phone at the same time.

So here’s what happened at 9am.

1. My alarm clock goes off.

2. I get an email saying WAKE UP! Good Morning! Give it your best! =D

3. I get a call and get a Good Morning! Are you ready for today? Good luck! I’m rooting for you!

That must have been one of the mornings I’ve ever had. Full of positive energy and good wishes. I’m going to have to reccomend that you also employ this simple yet great trick for Very Important Days!

And also, I found a new mental trick as well.

Despite all the positive thoughts I had that night, it was inevitable that a negative one or two crept in. I had an image of Mark looking and me and saying “I’m sorry…”

But the thing is, try as hard as you might to erase a thought, it just comes back. So I did something revolutionary for myself. I extended that thought, and made it: “I’m sorry… I forgot my credit card and cash today, so would you mind paying the bill?”

I’m sure its a technique that already exists out there, but it’s new to me! Hopefully it can be of use to you as well.

I met up and spoke with Mark today, and we both decided that it would fantastic to work together. Although it turns out that he’s doing much more than I thought he was, and so we may very well turn out to be lifetime business partners!

I mentioned before that his nickname is 丸く、 which actually means “round.” Half of why he has this name has to do with that meaning, and the other half is that it’s just easier for most of the world to remember Mark than Souta.

But as for the meaning, his dream is to reach out to people all over the world and connect them. He often says his goal is to 世界を丸くする、 which literally translates “to rounden out the world.” Ｂｕt 丸く also has the meaning of harmony. So to translate it in a way that makes more sense, he’s out to make the world a better place.

And to do that, he’s taken the route of business, and his goal is to create and own multiple business that all reach out internationally to different parts of the world. The actual businesses are of less import. He actually began with suits because he found an opportunity there. I was kind of amazed when I heard this, but then after listening to him for a bit I understood.

I am to style and fashion, as Mark is to business.

He is successful at what he does, and pretty much most of his business technique is self developed. He is alert, observes what works and what doesn’t, and isn’t afraid to experiment and find new ways to improve. His love of people and business are what drive him.

I can work with someone like that. And I actually think I can work with him while also achieving my styling dreams at the same time, for years to come. It’s amazing how things turn out in life. There are surprises waiting for you every step of the way. If I were to believe in fate, then maybe this is one reason why I never gave coming to Japan a second thought!

We haven’t figured exactly what I’m going to be doing yet, but I might get involved with teaching him English, working as an interpreter, or even getting involved in order-made suit sales to get started. The first step is to get all the documents required for the visa in order, and get the process started.

Ah man, life from here on out is going to be really fun!

And so, I decided to get started and write my first post at stylexplained.com. It sets my definitions for style and fashion. Check it out, and there will be more to come!

(I’m eventually going to have to start writing all that out in Japanese, too. Oh man!)

Last night, my thoughts on how to take my next step just clicked. And it’s funny how that works sometimes, because it should have been obvious all this time (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves in such situations).

The fact that I may have to work at an English teaching job for a year or so bothered me when I first came to Japan, but recently I came to terms with it as I realized that it really wasn’t going to get in the way of my dreams. So recently, I started gathering all the resources I needed to make it happen.

Now, it happens to be that I have a friend here in Japan by the name of 丸く (Maruku, or Mark). That’s not his real name (it’s Yamada Souta), but it’s what he goes by. I met him about one month ago after the Ken Honda seminar, when ガクチャン (Gakuchan) introduced me to him. (Gakuchan was one of the people who noticed me when I asked the question during Q&A, and then approached me afterwards.)

Turns out that Mark is one heck of a guy. He’s 23, and he owns his own order-made suit company. He wanted to get started with his own business so badly, that he quit college shortly after he got in, and just got started. Now, his company is doing great and he employs seven salespeople!

I’ve hung out with him a couple times since then, and he’s a fantastic guy. Full of energy, loves an adventure, not afraid to take risks, is straightfoward and honest, confident and easygoing. I’ve never met anyone like him… sorta. Actually, he reminds me of myself!

I guess there are personality types out there, and he got equipped with the same one that I got! Even to the characteristic where both of us generally better at listening than talking. Or to be more specific, we draw on the energy of others to strike a good conversation. Which, unfortunately, sometimes leaves us with nothing to talk about, lol. But put both of us with someone who likes to talk, and it’s a party!

If I had to work for someone, I would not at all mind working for Mark! And in fact, from day one when we met, we were both saying how it would be great if there was a chance to work together! Which brings me to my moment of genius (or realization of the obvious)!

I’m not the type to break promises or contracts, so if I do start a job with a an English teaching company, I’m probably going to stick with them until the contract is done, which will be a year or two. And afterwards, my plan is be be on my own, living as a stylist.

But if that’s the case, then I won’t really have much of an opportunity to work with Mark. And that’s what hit me. If I’m going to spend the next year or two working somewhere, then I should do it somewhere I’ll enjoy working! And such a place was in front of me this entire time! And as an added bonus, working with custom suits will actually get me headed in a directly not all that far from styling!

So having made the decision that I would like to work with Mark, I sent him an email this morning sharing my thoughts with him, and suggesting that we should find some time to talk about it! And it was definitely the right move, because I got an email back saying that yes we should talk about it! How about Monday?

Time to make things happen!

I came across it here when I came to Japan two years ago to work for the summer. And I came across it yet again when Sugimoto-san, Koutoku, and Takuma explained to me the Master-Assistant system prevalent in Japan for the stylist profession.

So I decided to put some thought into it, try a couple things, and I think I found a good “solution” to it!

So what are hierarchial relationships, anyways? They’re relationships that determine individuals as superior, equal, or inferior to each other on some sort status level. It’s very prevalent in the Japanese social system, and a huge part of work and school environments.

Generally speaking, if you’re older, or have been in the organization longer, then you are the senior, and thus superior. Everyone who comes in after you is your junior, and inferior. In practice, this means that your superiors are automatically your bosses and mentors, and so you are to follow their orders and advice without fail. At least, if you want to get anywhere in that environment.

It doesn’t sound very wonderful, but the original concept isn’t bad. It’s based on the fact that your seniors have more experience than you, and through their generosity will try to help you by sharing that experience with you or teaching the lessons that they learned from it. And naturally, in exchange, you would give them your respect.

It’s the same thing in school. The teacher has the knowledge, they generously share it with you, and you respect them in return (supposedly).

The problem is that the system is now really only a shell of it’s former self. I have some doubts as to how much genuine generosity and respect actually remain. But accepting the system as-is wasn’t quite acceptable to me.

So I asked myself the question: How can we really respect our teachers and mentors?

I’ve heard that one of the honors a teacher or mentor can receive is for a student to emulate them. After all, actions speak louder than words, and emulation is a powerful way of respecting someone’s way of thinking.

I used to agree with this idea. I used to try to be a mentor myself! Telling people this and that, and believing that my way of doing things was the best. I disillusioned myself into believing that it was for their own good, and was happy when they did as I suggested.

But then… so what?

What did I get out of it all, anyways? I guess I got a kick out of the fact that someone thought I was the best, but then what? I returned to my normal life and that was about it. And if they by chance did find happiness as a result of my teachings, then good for them! Congratulations! But again I would return back to my own life and that was it.

So recently having spent time with the stylist Ketty and my beautiful friend Sally Roberts (who is a high school English teacher) , I realized that emulating teachers and mentors really doesn’t do anything to enrich their lives. And so while it might be considered the ultimate respect, it’s actually not all that great. I think one very easy way of understanding this is to ask yourself the following question:

Would you rather have 10 friends, or 10 followers?

If you ask me, I would rather have 10 friends. I believe that friendships are the key to everlasting happiness. And I won’t go into the meaning of friendship, but I will say that friends definitely enrich your life. You form a relationship with them that creates something so important for everyone involved that you stick to those people throughout life.

I don’t think that followers really give you the same thing. It’s more like a sub-friend. You might be enriching the lives of your followers, but rarely will they do anything like that for you. After all, you’ve assumed the position of knowing more than them, so there’s obviously not much for them to offer to you. A life with followers but no friends can be an empty one. Being at the top of the world can be lonely, too, if you’re alone without friends.

I’m making these roles up, but here are some short dialogues that I think capture the difference among friends, followers, and enemies. Imagine person A as you, and person B as a person you are talking to.

Teacher – Follower
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: I see. Now I think so too!

Enemy
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: You’re wrong. Life is about uvw.

Friend
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: That’s a good point! But I also think that it’s about uvw!

The follower respects you by agreeing. The enemy disrespects you by telling you that you’re wrong. The friend respects you by agreeing, but also enriching your life by adding their experiences and ideas to your own!

I suppose it also means that your enemies have great potential to enrich your life as well, except for that their disrespect doesn’t make you want to care about what they have to offer at all.

So now put yourself in the role of the follower.

Or the role of the inferior in an hierarchial system. And think about what you’re really offering to the person who is gracious enough to share their knowledge with you. What is the best way to give back to them and make your relationship worthwhile?

Even in school, I think that the students that teachers love the most are the ones that add something to their lives. Those who care to learn what the teacher has to offer, but then add their own ideas and points of view on top of it all. The student who simply follows the examples is great, but boring. And the rebel student may be smart, but just annoying.

So this is my answer to the Japanese system.

I will settle for nothing less than being friends. Superior and inferior are terms that will go out the window. And they will replaced with a belief that everyone has unlimited potential. This puts everyone on equal ground (and aren’t we all standing on the same ground?).

It won’t be easy, though, because the system has become such a huge part of life for many. To those in the teacher position, anything in addition to strict adherence can be seen as rebellion. And to those who follow, anything except for strict adherence is unthinkable.

But with patience, a positive attitude, and a commitment to enriching the lives of everyone I meet, I think I can make change happen. And I’ve decided that I will, so it will happen!

I have a new motto now, for that matter. And I’d like to share it with you as well.

「世界の頂点まで行こう！」
“Together let’s make our way to the top of the world!”