Raamenchan

Last night as I was washing the dishes, I made a decision that instantly left me energized and gave me a huge sense of relief at the same time: I decided to cancel my plans on Saturday, and instead see my girlfriend Mami’s live performance.

Woah! But isn’t that obvious? Is what you might have been thinking, but up until yesterday, it wasn’t obvious to me. Seems like I failed to notice that I was in a fire with the smoke blinding my eyes!

But let me tell you what I’ve realized about the time I’ve been here in Japan. I thought I had simply come to this country all ready to go, but wow was I wrong.

Getting Used to it All

Looking back, it took me about three months or so to actually adapt to Japan. It’s not like anything was completely new to me, but getting used it was a completely different manner. Just because I’ve had Japanese food doesn’t mean that I was used to having it every time we happened to go out. I never realized how little vegetables are served in restaurants unless you order them separately.

And even when Mami and I decided to start buying things and cooking, it took some time to get used to the sticker shock of the grocery prices as well. We’ve grown somewhat accustomed to the pricing now, but also partly because we’ve familiarized ourselves with the area and now know where to find the cheapest meat and produce. And for that manner, we only found the best place (or so I think) after about 5 months of living here. We were definitely happy when we did, though.

But food is only a part of adapting to Japan. It’s taken me plenty to time to really get comfortable using the language, and even more time to really settle myself into the culture. For example, in the US, especially in the San Francisco bay area, everyone cherishes individuality. We practically expect everyone to have their own quirks, and it’s just a matter of whether we get along with the other person or not.

Here, the mentality is to stick to the norm. Times are changing, but deeply ingrained cultural values don’t just go away. If you don’t follow the norm, you get the critical eye. Whether you come out ahead or behind in others’ eyes largely depends on you, but either way, I’ve found that being constantly judged is a constact source of invisible stress.

Being Japanese, Being American

Go back three years, when I first lived in Japan. I was in Narita city, which is by all means the countryside, and I was working there for three months at a summer job. At the time, I had decided to be Japanese and learn to do things the Japanese way. So I made that clear to my new boss and coworkers and stepped up to the plate… only to fall flat on my face.

Because no matter how hard I tried, the best I could do was become a 2nd rate Japanese person. And it makes sense, because I’m NOT Japanese. If I was Japanese, I would have known that the new worker automatically cleans the bathroom in their free time. I also would have known all the special language needed to “correctly” speak to customers. And OF COURSE, I would have known to do these things without being told, because, the Japanese boss won’t tell you to do these things, either.

That’s where things began to get stressful, because I and my coworkers weren’t thinking on the same level. So even though I wanted to really contribute to the business, and my coworkers wanted to best work together to make that happen – it didn’t. We had a huge wall in communication because of a difference in culture.

So fast forward three years and now I’ve moved to Japan, determined not to make the same mistake. Rather than trying to become Japanese, I make a stand to be who I really am – American born Hong Kong-ese with Japanese and Mainland Chinese cultural background mixed in as well. Instead of blending into the environment, I create a new environment within it, and I invite others into my domain. I shake hands, introduce myself by my nickname, and asked people by what name they would liked to be called. (In Japan, you always start a relationship with Mr./Mrs. Last Name.)

And people love it. I’ve made quite a name for myself as a popular and likable guy among the people I’ve met. They like what I have to offer to their lives, and accept it… but not without judging me against the norm first. And it’s not so easy to get used to. Though fortunately, I think I can say I’ve come to terms with it. My friend and fellow Berkeley student Sally Kikuchi dropped by over the weekend. We talked and, thanks to her, I finally realized I was even under all this stress. And hey, knowing is half the battle.

Business for Me? Or for You?

Starting a business from scratch isn’t easy, either. Especially when you have to rely 100% on yourself for the product and the sale.

You may know that I’ve been working now as a style consultant as well as selling order made suits. It’s not as if I have a store, so I need to go out, meet people, and somehow convince people to buy my products and services. Easier said than done.

As I said earlier, I’ve been making spectacular first impressions with people and have become quite popular, but for some reason I haven’t been able to generate much interest in my work until now.

If you’ve read into sales technique, you may know that the real key (one of them, at least) in successful sales is to forget about success and money. It’s about doing what you do because you live it, and have a genuine interest in doing something for the customer. I thought I had been embracing that theory, but along with getting adapted to Japan, I’ve really just been presenting myself as a superstar kid from America. The emphasis has been on me, and not on the people I’ve met.

I went to networking parties, talked to a lot of people, got a lot of business cards, and not a lot of business. I realized recently, that I didn’t make a lot of friends, either. Because spending 5-10 minutes talking to someone isn’t enough to really create a connection and a foundation for a relationship. I found it takes at least 20-30 minutes, and 30 minutes is generally a lot better.

When I started taking the time to learn about others, their motivations, and their passions, I began to really meet people. Sometimes people know their dreams, sometimes they don’t and need a suggestion from the outside. It’s fun to learn and find ways to support them.

And once I do that, they naturally do the same for me. It’s a great feeling. Everyone feels important, and I feel like I’m not as alone anymore. On the side, people have begun showing a lot more interest in my styling work as well! Win-win!

Supporting the #1 Person in my Life

So that’s what was going through my mind when I was doing the dishes last night. Originally, I had a networking party event scheduled on the same day, which is why I wasn’t going to Mami’s live. The reason was that I needed to get somewhere with my sales, so that was the best thing for me to do.

But then I stepped back and thought about it again. What’s all this about supporting others when I wasn’t even supporting my most important person?

I realized it at a dinner with some people I had met last night. One person, Shige-chan, said that he was also really interested in hearing my girlfriend sing. At that point, I said that well, she had a performance this weekend, but I wasn’t going. After I said it, it suddenly hit me that I was saying something absolutely ridiculous.

I also realized that by inviting my new friends to Mami’s performance would also give me a chance to build on the relationships I had already built as well!

It’s so different once you really find that path that truly rings with your values!

Categorized as Storyline