Respecting Teachers and Mentors
Hierarchical relationships are a part of Japanese culture, and have been a concern to me ever since I began formally learning Japanese at UC Berkeley. Honestly, I don’t like the system, but not liking it doesn’t make it go away, or make me exempt from it.
I came across it here when I came to Japan two years ago to work for the summer. And I came across it yet again when Sugimoto-san, Koutoku, and Takuma explained to me the Master-Assistant system prevalent in Japan for the stylist profession.
So I decided to put some thought into it, try a couple things, and I think I found a good “solution” to it!
So what are hierarchial relationships, anyways? They’re relationships that determine individuals as superior, equal, or inferior to each other on some sort status level. It’s very prevalent in the Japanese social system, and a huge part of work and school environments.
Generally speaking, if you’re older, or have been in the organization longer, then you are the senior, and thus superior. Everyone who comes in after you is your junior, and inferior. In practice, this means that your superiors are automatically your bosses and mentors, and so you are to follow their orders and advice without fail. At least, if you want to get anywhere in that environment.
It doesn’t sound very wonderful, but the original concept isn’t bad. It’s based on the fact that your seniors have more experience than you, and through their generosity will try to help you by sharing that experience with you or teaching the lessons that they learned from it. And naturally, in exchange, you would give them your respect.
It’s the same thing in school. The teacher has the knowledge, they generously share it with you, and you respect them in return (supposedly).
The problem is that the system is now really only a shell of it’s former self. I have some doubts as to how much genuine generosity and respect actually remain. But accepting the system as-is wasn’t quite acceptable to me.
So I asked myself the question: How can we really respect our teachers and mentors?
I’ve heard that one of the honors a teacher or mentor can receive is for a student to emulate them. After all, actions speak louder than words, and emulation is a powerful way of respecting someone’s way of thinking.
I used to agree with this idea. I used to try to be a mentor myself! Telling people this and that, and believing that my way of doing things was the best. I disillusioned myself into believing that it was for their own good, and was happy when they did as I suggested.
But then… so what?
What did I get out of it all, anyways? I guess I got a kick out of the fact that someone thought I was the best, but then what? I returned to my normal life and that was about it. And if they by chance did find happiness as a result of my teachings, then good for them! Congratulations! But again I would return back to my own life and that was it.
So recently having spent time with the stylist Ketty and my beautiful friend Sally Roberts (who is a high school English teacher) , I realized that emulating teachers and mentors really doesn’t do anything to enrich their lives. And so while it might be considered the ultimate respect, it’s actually not all that great. I think one very easy way of understanding this is to ask yourself the following question:
Would you rather have 10 friends, or 10 followers?
If you ask me, I would rather have 10 friends. I believe that friendships are the key to everlasting happiness. And I won’t go into the meaning of friendship, but I will say that friends definitely enrich your life. You form a relationship with them that creates something so important for everyone involved that you stick to those people throughout life.
I don’t think that followers really give you the same thing. It’s more like a sub-friend. You might be enriching the lives of your followers, but rarely will they do anything like that for you. After all, you’ve assumed the position of knowing more than them, so there’s obviously not much for them to offer to you. A life with followers but no friends can be an empty one. Being at the top of the world can be lonely, too, if you’re alone without friends.
I’m making these roles up, but here are some short dialogues that I think capture the difference among friends, followers, and enemies. Imagine person A as you, and person B as a person you are talking to.
Teacher – Follower
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: I see. Now I think so too!
Enemy
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: You’re wrong. Life is about uvw.
Friend
A: I think that life is about xyz.
B: That’s a good point! But I also think that it’s about uvw!
The follower respects you by agreeing. The enemy disrespects you by telling you that you’re wrong. The friend respects you by agreeing, but also enriching your life by adding their experiences and ideas to your own!
I suppose it also means that your enemies have great potential to enrich your life as well, except for that their disrespect doesn’t make you want to care about what they have to offer at all.
So now put yourself in the role of the follower.
Or the role of the inferior in an hierarchial system. And think about what you’re really offering to the person who is gracious enough to share their knowledge with you. What is the best way to give back to them and make your relationship worthwhile?
Even in school, I think that the students that teachers love the most are the ones that add something to their lives. Those who care to learn what the teacher has to offer, but then add their own ideas and points of view on top of it all. The student who simply follows the examples is great, but boring. And the rebel student may be smart, but just annoying.
So this is my answer to the Japanese system.
I will settle for nothing less than being friends. Superior and inferior are terms that will go out the window. And they will replaced with a belief that everyone has unlimited potential. This puts everyone on equal ground (and aren’t we all standing on the same ground?).
It won’t be easy, though, because the system has become such a huge part of life for many. To those in the teacher position, anything in addition to strict adherence can be seen as rebellion. And to those who follow, anything except for strict adherence is unthinkable.
But with patience, a positive attitude, and a commitment to enriching the lives of everyone I meet, I think I can make change happen. And I’ve decided that I will, so it will happen!
I have a new motto now, for that matter. And I’d like to share it with you as well.
「世界の頂点まで行こう！」
“Together let’s make our way to the top of the world!”
Categorized as Storyline
I think it’s the mentality. Working for Suwa’s, everyone has been working there longer than I have. I don’t know why, but there’s only one person that kind of has the whole hierarchy attitude. Everybody else, they talk to me very politely. After a while though, that turns into a very casual and friendly tone. Me personally I like it that way. This hierarchy just makes it so that people can’t form a friendship. It’s just a very big obstacle. But I really think that the kiss-asses are only going to be viewed as a kiss ass. For example. Let’s say that a high school class got the opportunity to meet the prime minister. He comes to class and talks about stuff. Then school ends and as you leave you get the chance to pay your respects. Let’s say everybody did what they were taught to do; talk very politely and bow. But then imagine this one kid being like, “Sup man. Keep doing your thang. PEACE!” Who is he going to remember most? Was that child being discourteous? In that sense, I think the hierarchy is a blessing. It gives you more chance to stand out. It allows others to realize quickly, “This guy is different.” I think that’s a great plan: Standing out without being discourteous. If people think you are discourteous for not acting traditionally, then they are most likely the people who just want the satisfaction of being the senpai. Avoid those people right? Let’s create a new era. Let’s make a guideline for the next generation to follow. We shall call it “The Equality Movement”.
Ever since I’ve been into Japanese culture, I’ve had an interest in the idea of filial piety. Despite the idea being very ancient (read: outdated), I thought it was a very interesting idea and felt that there wasn’t enough of it in American society — at least in the areas of respecting those around you, such as teachers, bosses, colleagues, etc.
Don’t get me wrong, I much prefer a friendly, equal environment over one where I must tread carefully, but I still feel there should naturally be respect for others. When I was a student (and in the working world, for that matter), I witnessed a lot of my peers and colleagues too easily talk back or use some impolite language to and around their teachers and bosses. I mean, it’s one thing to be casual, but I feel curse words are a big no-no in that sort of setting.
Hmm, I had a lot more to say, but I’m having a bit of trouble composing it to words. Maybe I’ll add more later. Anyway, that’s my opinion on respect in America, at least!
I think you make an interesting point about friends vs enemies vs followers. I agree with you but I never quite sorted it out that clearly.
I will say though, from my experience as a teacher, striking a balance between “friend” and “follower” students is often important to keep the classroom in order. Maybe not so much at higher levels, but definitely with kids, that balance is crucial or nothing will get accomplished during the day! That’s probably because most kids need structure (some kind of authority) to guide and motivate them, whereas college and older students know how to create that structure for themselves.
I think I’m babbling, so I’ll end here.
今日も頑張ってね！